Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm passing your future prison.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
