Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
