If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
