He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
