I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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