I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
