So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
