"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need a beard to bite.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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