I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
