Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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