Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
