White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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