I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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