The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
