Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
