shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
