I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think my vagina is haunted
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
