Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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