I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
