She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm getting married
To pizza
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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