You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
