Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
