Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Randomize
