Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
