I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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