and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
