On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
