This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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