She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
