Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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