If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
