she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
