the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
