i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
