I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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