Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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