Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
