I wish my penis had an off switch
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had to cum in my sink.
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