you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
