I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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