New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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