watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
