Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
