Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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