she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
