she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
