i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
