its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
