I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
