Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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