I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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