So drunk its hurt
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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