guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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