I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
