Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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